FUCK ME
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1) open new browser window.
2) visit the ever-popular google.com, the top-rated search engine the www over.
3) in the search box, type in the requisite "family fucking."
4) hit the "enter" key on your computer keyboard (it may be rectangular or, like the corresponding key on the cheapest keyboard on offer at the Chicago Microcenter, it may well be better described as the confluence of a vertical rectangle and a square that juts off from the lower left-hand side of said rectangle).
5) view the search results. At the very precipice of the list of said results, notice a seemingly innocuous phrase-link, though rendered in screaming all-caps type, THINK LIKE A MOUNTAIN, followed by a stream of text, with the various search terms bolded for ease of determination of relevance to your search criteria, proof that, yes, Google yields relevant results: "Family fucking meeting, family fucking meeting," the father yelled. ... Family fucking meeting here." From the three other corners of the house arrived ...
6) follow the link to THINK LIKE A MOUNTAIN, a story featured in THE2NDHAND's 11th print edition, and what you will quickly realize is that the "family" in the resulting text is not necessarily "fucking" in any traditional or literal sense. The story, by Paul A. Toth, can only be said to involve a "fucking family" metaphorically. The family's town, a mining town whose mines are on fire, the vast majority of the town having long ago evacuated, might be "fucked," again in a metaphorical sense, but the father does not fuck the daughter or even the mother, nor the son the mother or daughter either. The picture presented of said family is most asexual, in fact -- a set of creatures on the verge of something, of moving, of history, of cataclysmic mine collapse and hence of burning, but not sex or any kind of incestuous relationship.
7) perhaps hitting the back button of your browser is here in order.
8) Scan down through the list of Google search results for "family fucking" and you will find perhaps more interesting fare: Wealth Bondage: Family Fucking Values Daddy says we have family fucking intellectual capital, family fucking social capital, and family fucking financial capital. Mmmmmmm. And all for me, ...
or
Free Adult Black Gay Men Fucking. ... fucking family fucking incest family fucking jetsons fucking mother and son fucking eminem fucking alien fucking virgins fucking ...
which is definitely my favorite in the list. Not only do we have the abstract "family" fucking, but also the Jetsons, a space-age family themselves, doing it -- in addition black gay men and Eminem, which is pretty cool, and an alien too.
All of which is maybe neither here nor there. Most importantly, let it be known, by writing a piece with the title "Fuck Me" and making it available online I have ensured myself a long history of readers, and I've striven here to make the experience as enjoyable as possible. Because, indeed, the number two search item yielding results and producing links to THE2NDHAND.com is none other than phrase "fuck me now," which results in Joe Deir's seminal "See Me Now, Fuck Me Later." You might try it. Deir's masterpiece doesn't come up as the first result, but rather the second. All of which I might suggest to you suggests in turn a slight bit of desperation on the part of our populace, a need to be loved, to be fucked, whether said fucking involves a sort of incest situation or not. Just take the first "fuck me now" result: ok . . . I give up . . . just fuck me like a whore I give up . . . just fuck me like a whore ... OK - I have been trying to meet a "nice" guy for quite a while now, using both traditional methods (set-ups ...
OK? Enough said?
101105
PAST WING & FLY:
*HARVEY WASSERMAN AND THE STOLEN ELECTION
*DAVE ZIRIN'S EDGE OF SPORTS
*RIVERBEND
*TOTH
*WHALE
*X
*Z
*SMOKE
*NEXIUM
*EUREKA
*MENO
*HAMMOND
*PILSEN
*CANADA
*DAYTONA
*WESTERN AVENUE
*ZOO
Todd Dills is the editor and publisher of THE2NDHAND, which brings you this neat sort of "editor's corner" or "letter from the..." or what have you, winged mightily by Mr. Dills -- who most certainly loves you, and love being the product of communication, maybe... -- and launched every other week, we hope, for your reading pleasure. E-mail Dills at will by clicking on that word, yes, back there. He loves to hear from you.
Books by Todd Dills:
In Chicago Noir
ALL HANDS ON: A THE2NDHAND READER
edited by Todd Dills
w/ an Introduction by Jim Munroe
$12
Like placing your ear beside some kind of magical, future radio and listening to the shocking world of the strange and new.... ALL HANDS ON, an anthology of new work and old, features the best of the magazine and a look at what may stand as the underground lit world's most interesting contemporary writing. --Punk Planet
THE2NDHAND has been the most exciting literary vessel in Chicago, opening a comfortably padded room for the anecdotal fiction writers and the experimental tale-spinners to play together where no one will get hurt. Read through this collection of four years worth of stories, and you'll see the line between the two isn't as clear as all that. And in the way the strongest species survive, it would seem the cross-pollination that happened over the years has strengthened both sides. --PopMatters.com
Or mail a check for $12, made out to Elephant Rock Books, to THE2NDHAND, P.O. Box 479045, Chicago, IL 60647.
FOR WEEKS ABOVE THE UMBRELLA
2002, by Todd Dills
70 pages, saddle-stapled, $7
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THE2NDHAND
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P.O. Box 479045
Chicago, IL 60647
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