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**PRINT: FRIENDS FROM CINCINNATI: Installment 24 features this part coming-of-age short by Chicago's Patrick Somerville, author of the Trouble collection of shorts out in 2006. | PAST BROADSHEETS |

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COMPUTER GUY; a poem, clarified by the author
Penelope Memoli

I see you but once in a blue moon, or perhaps a little more
You make the typing and sticking so much less of a bore1
I wish I had a picture of you to keep inside my locket
Until then I'll just have to go ask Meagan for another pocket2
When I thought that you'd be gone forever it was then that I proposed
Then stupid as ever, I went right back to that boy I loathe3
When you came back I went outside feeling really mad and
It was then that you led us to Tuxedo-Clad Man4
Don't be fooled by the false flirtage that I put on for him
It is only for you that I'd go out on a limb5

Please come back Computer Guy!
I miss you so much
I want to cry (well, not really)6


1 There was this computer guy who was setting up the Internet at my high school, cuz this was back when the Internet had just come out. I was a library aid, and it was my job to type call numbers of new books onto stickers and card pockets, and then stick the stickers and card pockets on the books. It was boring, until the computer guy came... He had long long blonde hair down his back and he wore a big, floppy red velvet hat and little round glasses like John Lennon, and I though he was like the hottest guy.
2 I didn't really have a locket, but it rhymed with pocket, which is what I had to ask Meagan (the other library aid) for if I wanted to see the computer guy, because Meagan had the card pockets and Meagan's typewriter was near the computers, which was where the Computer Guy was...
3 So once the Internet was all set up I didn't think I'd ever see him again, so as he was leaving I yelled after him, "Marry me!" and he didn't even turn around, so maybe he didn't hear me, or maybe he just thought I was stupid. But I felt kind of sad, so I decided I'd switch back over to my old crush for the time being, this boy with long, dyed-black hair who looked like a girl, and I hated him because he was really mean to me, like this one time when he sat on my head, farted, and broke my sunglasses in the process, but I liked him so much I didn't get mad... cuz he was just so hot...
4 Yeah, he wasn't gone forever, as none of the teachers understood how to work this new thing called the Internet. And when I saw him come in the door I got really embarrassed and I went outside feeling really mad, like a crazy sort of mad. When I came back in he was teaching all the library people how to use search engines, then he showed us the chat room, and there was this guy in there whose handle was 'Tuxedo-Clad Man,' and I thought he must've been making a reference to 'Tuxedo Mask,' Sailor Moon's love interest, but when I asked him, he said he didn't know what that was.
5 I told Tuxedo-Clad Man that I had been very bad, and a myriad of other things that my fellow library aids were telling me to type. But I didn't want the Computer Guy to think I was slutty, so I tried to type quietly when he spied over our shoulders.
6 Eventually we learned how to use the Internet and the Computer Guy didn't come back to the library anymore at all. But I realized I didn't really like him that much anyway. Then he started dating my friend Hannah, which was kind of twisted since he was some old computer guy and she was sixteen.

Penelope is here, now, and tipping a martini glass to you. She commandeers, with some others, likewise, a pretty webthing dubbed Pomposity. It is here: http://tipsymcfrisky.com/pomposity/.