10 ELECTION NIGHT 2000 HAPPENINGS
1.) A woman in California gave birth to fat, but healthy twins and named them Rhime and Robbie. The father, who was working when the water broke, drove wildly to the hospital (95 MPH on the freeway in a Camaro) and arrived just in time to hold the hand of his screaming, but beautiful wife, who was pushing in double time.
2.) An ugly woman in Indiana called a stop to her collection of tears from broken-hearted men.
3.) A 17-year-old kid from Atlanta copped his first feel on a cheerleader's ass.
4.) An older kid living in the South told two 8-year-old boys he'd give them a quarter each to mow his lawn. Before long, the kids were out on hands and knees with plastic scissors cutting off the heads of dandelions and trimming weeds. It lasted some time, but eventually the younger kids' parents came around and put it to an end.
5.) In a dirty, but authentic Mexican restaurant in Seattle, an almost-retired waiter dropped a plate of quesadillas in a politician's lap.
6.) An old woman in Pennsylvania finished work on a hand-knit Christmas stocking for an expected first grandchild (due date: Dec 1st). She laughed self-consciously while she held it up in completion, realizing she'd left the "T" out of CHRISTMAS.
7.) An incoming-sales-call operator in Tennessee sold a record-breaking number of "Silent Snore Solution" bottles, was awarded a coupon for a free steak dinner, and was allowed to leave work 15 minutes early.
8.) A lively dog named "Patushi" ran out in front of a Land Rover on a street named after a tree in a nice neighborhood in Vermont. The Rover screeched down in time. The dog jumped on the hood and licked the windshield.
9.) A college girl outside of Chicago closed up her kiosk at the mall. All jewelry was put back into the cases and locked up. She pulled the cash drawer out of the register and went to set it down on a counter to begin balancing the sales tapes. A lapse in depth perception or something jarred the edge of the drawer against a beam on the kiosk. The cash tumbled and splashed all over the mall floor.
10.) A woman with a crazy make-up job was shooing two flies out of the display case in a Phoenix donut/coffee/smoke shop. An under-aged kid was waiting to buy cigarettes and asked to the woman's back: "You heard anything on the election?" He thought if he talked about voting she'd believe he was old enough to smoke. She spun around, startled, and said: "Oh , I didn't know you were standing there, honey." She sold him a pack of Camels, told him she didn't know who won and pointed to the mini ghettoblaster behind the counter. "Busted," she said.
Adam Voith lives in Seattle. He is the author of the novel Bridges with Spirit and creator of TNI Books. For more of his writing, visit him here: www.TNIBooks.com. He may be contacted by e-mail: adam@TNIBooks.com.