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**PRINT: FRIENDS FROM CINCINNATI: Installment 24 features this part coming-of-age short by Chicago's Patrick Somerville, author of the Trouble collection of shorts out in 2006. | PAST BROADSHEETS |

Thieves Jargon


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i-ALIBI
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David Gianatasio

Feb. 3, 02.38 A.M. EST
To: Todd
From: Dave
Re: List

The cops are right outside the door. I've got like 10 seconds to write. WHOA! - I really had you going! Don't you get it, Todd? These e-mails ... they're all PART of the story told in the form of e-mails! Clever, huh? Maybe a little too clever. THIS is the finale - the big payoff. We'll laugh about it someday. And you thought I was serious! Real funny. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah.

Feb. 3, 02.26 A.M. EST
To: Todd
From: Dave
Re: List

WHAT DO YOU WANT, MONEY?! C'MON, MAN!

Feb. 3, 02.04 A.M. EST
To: Todd
From: Dave
Re: List

Where the hell are you? DAMMIT CALL ME RIGHT NOW! Look, there's been a terrible misunderstanding. Just talk to me so I can explain! It was all a joke. Just a joke!

Feb. 3, 01.06 A.M. EST
To: Todd
From: Dave
Re: List

OH MY GOD YOU POSTED THAT LIST! Take it down IMMEDIATELY! I tried your cell phone, but you didn't answer. TAKE THAT DAMN THING DOWN!!!!

Feb. 2, 11.49 P.M. EST To: Todd From: Dave Re: List

Sorry to pester. But you DID get my email about spiking that list, right? Sent totally by accident. It's just ... an idea for a story I might write someday. I'm especially concerned because you run a LITERARY WEB SITE and all. I'd hate for you to think it was some kind of story-as-list thing and post it. That would be crazy. Just nuts. So ... whatever you do, PLEASE DO NOT POST!!! SPIKE IT! Thanks!!

Feb. 2, 11.04 P.M. EST
To: Todd
From: Dave
Re: List

Hey, Todd. Please spike that e-mail I just sent. Having some computer issues here -- that "List" thing jumped from Word into Hotmail and sent itself. Damndest thing I ever saw. I'm a compulsive list maker. Have been since I was a kid. Can't stop myself. My shrink says it's OCD to the max: always with the lists. Especially when I'm under stress. It's crazy. Just ... um ... forget I sent it. Okay? Spike it. Now. Use that PERMANENT delete feature. Thanks, buddy.

Feb. 2, 11.03 P.M. EST
To: Todd
From: Dave
Re: List

Shopping for weekend. (Remember toothpaste, bottled water).

Withdraw $5,000.

Meet man behind Hogie Barn, give him the money, Lori's picture, layout of the house.

Make sure neighbors see me at cottage.

Phone rings twice -- then I'll know it's done.

Remember to spike this list!

BOOKS ACTUALLY WRITTEN BY MONKEYS USING TYPEWRITERS





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