OPEN LETTER TO MAYOR R.M. DALEY, CHICAGO, IL, from the information and plea-bargain desks of THE2NDHAND and NO SLANDER.

ATTN: R.M. Daley
In honor of the great rabble-rousing tradition of the fine metropolis in which we live--a city which has, in consequence of forces which may or may not be within your control, recently experienced a heavy downturn, a softening with regard to said tradition (and we see within said softening a very particular disquiet, let it be known ! the germ of purification aching to burst forth!)--and as representatives of the veritable stanchions of loud frivolity and/or quiet sincerity (i.e. THE2NDHAND, NO SLANDER and/or other finely-tuned or rough-hewn groups of men and women young and old) we wish to alert you and your staff of our presence by way of an open invitation and request for your participation in one or another of the following things:

1. A public performance of THE VERY LONG KISS, by Joe Meno, a one-act play about, among other things, a Canary that speaks very eloquently.

2. A one-on-one basketball competition with one of our writers, most likely Greg Purcell the great one himself.

3. A public recitation of the Revelations Book of the Bible

4. A shouting match with Mr. B. Kelly Costello, author of the LET US NOT PRAISE FAMOUS BRIANS!

5. A public recitation/performance of Shakespeare's HENRY VI play cycle, with Harold Washington in the role of Edward II, Jane Byrne in that of Richard III, and your father the venerable Mr. R.J. Daley in the title role. You will play R.J. Daley. The rest of the players will riot constantly, as directed by the demands of the play, Todd Dills himself quite likely delivering the choice line--"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." In place of crowns, scepters and dialogue, we will employ pots, pans and metal spoons.

Frankly, sir, we are weary of languishing in our gloomy cubicles, of being relegated to the most wayward corners of that thing they call the WWW, to the gloomy shut-ins of 3rd-hand bookstore basements. Thus, we emerge.

Accept our kindly invitation. Meet in the sun, here:

Wicker Park (1400 N. Damen) SAT 23 June, 2001 at 2PM.

Sincerely yours,

ED.s