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**PRINT: FRIENDS FROM CINCINNATI: Installment 24 features this part coming-of-age short by Chicago's Patrick Somerville, author of the Trouble collection of shorts out in 2006. | PAST BROADSHEETS |

Thieves Jargon

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Tao Lin

3PM: Wake up.

3:15: Go swimming, shower, drink giant smoothie, make coffee, answer emails.

4:45: Mail the Magic cards I sold on eBay.

5:15: Drink coffee and work on poetry.

7:30: Do something illegal at chain stores. Buy green tea pills and vegan vitamins from whole foods.

8:30: Chat on Gmail chat.

10: Buy yerba mate, a hot plate, and look for a cheap computer on eBay. Drink a giant smoothie. Eat grapes. Eat Chinese vegetables.

11: Work on poetry.

1AM: Draw things on Microsoft Paint to send to hamster friend.

1:30: Find out how to get a cheap mattress for when I move into the hikikomori room.

2: Put more Magic cards on eBay.

3: Stare at my Gmail account. Answer emails. Send emails. Delete old emails to get capacity under 97%.

4: Wash dishes, shower, eat an avocado with giant olive oil sauce. Put things in a giant box to send for when I move.

5: Go to my room and stare at my to-do list. Organize some parts of my room.

5:45: Go to sleep.